When Amara got married, she knew she was marrying a man who loved his mother.She actually admired that about him.He spoke warmly about his mother. He called her regularly. He knew her favourite things, listened to her advice and made sure she was cared for.
In the beginning, Amara found it endearing but after a while, something changed.Or perhaps, nothing had changed at all.
Maybe Amara had simply started noticing.
Her mother-in-law would call, and her husband would excuse himself to answer.His mother would make a suggestion, and he would listen carefully.When they visited his parents, his mother would sometimes say, “My son doesn’t like his food this way,” or “This is how he has always done it.”
Initially, Amara simply laughed about it then she became uncomfortable. She began to compare.
She knows him better than I do.She has been in his life longer than I have.He listens to her more.
Without realising it, Amara had entered a competition that no one had asked her to enter.She began trying harder. If her mother-in-law prepared her husband’s favourite meal, Amara wanted to prepare it better. If his mother made a suggestion, Amara felt she needed to have a better one.If her husband spent time with his mother, she felt she was losing something.
She wasn’t simply trying to build a relationship with her mother-in-law anymore.
She was trying to win.
The more she competed, the more exhausted she became.One day, after another difficult interaction, Amara found herself asking a question that changed the way she saw the entire situation:“Why am I competing with this woman for a place she was never meant to occupy?”
She became deeply troubled and concluded she needed to seek help. She had to speak with her mentor or a counsellor .
That was the move she needed.
The counseling session changed her perspective completely. Here is a part of what she learnt.
Marriage brings a shift
‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’
Genesis 2:24
This places the wife is different position. You and your husband are one. You need not compete with his mother. You are his partner for life.
However, leaving in this scripture does not mean abandoning one’s parent. It does not mean neglecting or desisting from loving them. However, it implies that the man intentionally acknowledge his covenant relationship with his wife as he places her first.
The wife does not fight for this.
She graciously stays in her place especially in prayer.
You do not take your place in your marriage by attempting to defeat your mother-in-law.
She is not your rival.
Your mother-in-law may genuinely put up actions or attitudes that make it seem you are both rivals but your perspective concerning the matter will determine your response.
Stay grounded in your identity.
Do not make assumptions. Do not try to compete.
Choose love always.
If you, like Amara, need counsel concerning a similar situation today, you are not alone. Book a counselling session today.
