In marriages, conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. A well-managed conflict can bring about positives. Mismanagement of conflict results in problems in the union. It’s important to note that marital conflict can be used by either God or the enemy.
Conflict can be used by God to bring closeness and better communication in the union while Satan uses conflict to cause misunderstanding between the couple, making them see each other as enemies. He also uses conflict to create distance and silence between spouses.
Conflict cannot be avoided in relationships, therefore it is essential to observe the way we manage conflicts. Do we handle disputes in ways that glorify God or the devil?
Marriage is our assignment to God and we must yield to him. We have to be aware that conflict can be used by the enemy. Who’s this enemy? He is the father of lies whose job description is to Kill, Steal and Destroy the purpose of your union.
How do we then manage conflict while playing for God?
- ● Learn the likes and dislikes of your spouse
- ● Do not keep scores during fights
- ● Resolve conflict; Never feign indifference or pretend it didn’t happen.
- ● Do not tell them to have their wayMost times, conflict is not usually caused by the present situation, It goes deeper than that. It is caused by past situations which have led up to that very moment! Be aware, and try to identify the factors that led up to it i.e the very root of the conflict. Decide between yourselves if you’re capable of handling the conflict immediately or if you should take a breather.The most common cause of an improperly managed conflict is it being managed in the heat of the moment while emotions are running high.
Always watch your words while resolving conflict, and speak to your partner with the aim of listening.Oftentimes, conflict management depends on how the “issue” is presented, not the “issue” itself. Attack the “problem”, not the “person”. Detach the person from the problem. This not only opens the other person to listening but makes them open to solving the problem.
Use “I” a lot and not “you” when speaking to the other person during conflict management.For example: “I feel alone and uncared for whenever I’m at home and you stay late at work”.
Compare that with “you don’t even care about me, you stay late till whenever!”.
One of the statements throws a lot of blame on the other party while one tries to communicate how he or she is feeling to the other person.
Expressing how you feel about the situation helps the other person to hear and change accordingly.
During conflict management, focus on your behaviour before tackling the other person’s behaviour.
Finally, find a God-honouring solution to the conflict. Afterwards forgive, kiss, hug and get a warm smile from your partner. Note that forgiveness is a two-way street involving the person giving it and the person receiving it.
Some weapons you must avoid in conflict management are:
- ● Name-calling
- ● Getting physical
- ● Hurtful comments or proclamations like “I don’t love you!”, “I wish I never married you”.Such comments hurt deeply. Once said cannot easily be taken back. Those comments may eventually lead to bigger issues which you didn’t plan. You can contact Jacqueline Oludimu today for more guidance on how to successfully resolve conflicts in your home with tips on making your marriage a purposeful one. Better still, you can sign up for Better Marriage Course. It will change your marriage experience.#Marriage #Conflictresolution #Disagreements #Conflictmanagement #Christianmarriages #Couples