If you have ever planted a seed then you know its growth takes place over time. If it doesn’t grow, it means it wasn’t planted or cultivated properly. A seed must be watered and cared for. The principle of the growth of a seed is transferable into relationships and marriage. A healthy marriage or relationship is like a seed which was well planted and cultivated and yielded a healthy crop.

Qualities that are characteristic of healthy relationships/marriage include:
1. Putting God first in the union: Picture a triangle with God at the top and both husband and wife below, not one of the spouses but the two of them. The couple acknowledges God as their creator and see themselves as his creation who are subject to his will. Living without this key information leads to an unhealthy marriage.

2. Obedience to God: Both spouses love God’s way of doing things. They readily yield to God’s will and are obedient to his instructions. A couple who follows the world’s way of doing things cannot have a healthy relationship. The world’s way is unstable. It changes steadily. An ever-changing mindset is characteristic of the world. God’s way never changes, his rules about marriage are in the bible and they have helped many couples thousands of years ago and are still helping couples now. God is unchanging and unwavering and set in his word.

3. Openness: Honesty and openness are evident in a healthy relationship. Feelings are not held back and both parties can be vulnerable with each other. One of the ways to check if your relationship is actually headed somewhere is if you are able to open up to each other without holding back. The moment you discover that you still have to put on appearances, show up at your best, and find it difficult to be yourself, then you’re not yet there.

4 Communication: A healthy relationship is not devoid of real communication. Real communication is talking to each other clearly, hearing each other, understanding one another and responding accordingly.
There are two types of communication; verbal and non-verbal communication. One of the reasons many relationships suffer is because there is a lack of communication. This is because communication does not involve only talking. It goes way beyond talking. Communication is the blood of the marriage, it is one of the important areas I talk about in my pre-marriage coaching sessions among others such as finance, sex in marriage etc. You can visit my website to learn more about my pre-marriage coaching sessions for intending couples.

5. Growth: In a healthy marriage both partners grow together and are nurtured by each other. It’s not the case where one person is being nurtured while the other partner is left hanging. Before tying the knot, growth is one of the things to look out for in your dating relationship. Your relationship cannot be devoid of growth. From friendship to dating to courtship to marriage, while it may not always be in this order, it illustrates the progress of a relationship.

6. Inextinguishable joy: Spouses or partners in a healthy relationship radiate the joy and peace of God. This doesn’t mean that fights or disagreements won’t occur, those things will happen and when they do, the partners won’t feel uneasy, sad or depressed. Rather they radiate joy. The moment you feel like you have to make happiness happen for you which is dependent on good things happening as opposed to joy which is constantly present whether good things are happening or not.

You are both pleased with each other and your joy is not tied to situations or circumstances around you at the moment e.g whether he/she has a job or not, if you can afford to get married

or not, etc. Joy is from the inside and not attached to ongoing circumstances. Joy is a sign of a healthy relationship.

7. Intimacy: You have a steady intimate relationship. Your openness to each other does not go off and on. If you’re married, you know you’re in a healthy relationship when you have sexually fulfilling experiences with one another. If you’re unmarried this is not a sign for you because you’re not supposed to be having sex.

8. Spending time with each other: One of the quotes from the book Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren is “The best way to spell love is T-I-M-E”. If you’re not making time for each other something is wrong, the relationship is not healthy. Time is the currency you must spend in a relationship. When you tell your partner that you love him or her you’re saying “I love you and I want to spend time with you”.

Even in a dating relationship, seeing your man making out time to see you or seeing the woman you love in constant admiration of you is a sign that you are in a healthy relationship and that often gets transferred into marriage.
Dating each other, writing love texts to each other, buying gifts and going on outings together must keep happening even in marriage.

It is a big sign that you’re in a healthy relationship or marriage.

May you never take your partner for granted.