Communication is one of the important aspects in marriage that if handled well can increase the bond and intimacy between the couple. However, many couples fail to realize that there are rules when it comes to communication with their partners. These are some of the rules of communication with your spouse:
When you’re talking to your partner, look at them and actively listen to them when they are talking. That’s so fundamental! It is a way to say to him or her “I’m listening to you, “you’re important and what you’re saying is important”. An example is when he’s working on his laptop and you’re talking, and you might feel like is he even listening to me at all? As much as you can, maintain eye contact. It shows that you care, it shows that the person is important to you and what they are saying is important to you. Also, listen. It hurts when someone is saying something to you and you come back to ask, “sorry what did you say, can you say that again?” It means you weren’t listening. When people are talking, they actually spend their energy. Please avoid that.
Let your communication include Praise, let it have an element of praise. Why is it necessary? It is because people thrive when they hear praise. You reach your spouse’s heart when you praise them. We don’t advocate for people to forcefully praise their partners; we don’t want you to begin to say what they are not and be untruthful. Look out for the things that make them who they are, things that make them special, as often as possible!
Never get tired of highlighting the good things about your spouse, it only makes them better.
That’s one big deal for communication and thriving in marriage.
Speak the truth, what any spouse or anyone can do wrong in their marriage to hurt themselves more is to live a lie and pretend to their spouse.There’s a way to speak the truth. Speak the truth and speak it in love. You should be able to know that if you want to hear the truth, you should be able to go to your spouse, the moment your spouse is beginning to hold back from telling you the truth maybe because of how you (I) would feel or whatever reason. We need to be able to tell ourselves the truth, but the way we say it matters. Say it with love and mercy. There’s a way to say things with love, you’re saying the same things but you’re saying them with love.
Communicate with faith. You’re being mean the moment you say things to people without faith in them, in the fact that they can become better, in the fact that they can do better and that things would get better. God is an enforcer when you say it and walk away. Even if it’s an issue, maybe there’s a personality trait that’s really getting in the way of that person’s progress, your spouse’s progress, or your relationship.
Say it with faith, communicate the concerns with faith, and say it knowing that you trust the lord to stir up their hearts to do better. When you communicate without faith, you become the enforcer. That’s when you notice that you’re nagging, you are bullying your partner, and you are becoming adamant about getting your own way. Always ensure you communicate in a way that shows you believe God to make the best out of that conversation, out of that thing you’re pointing out and the need for that person to do better.
Surrender your mouth to the Holy Spirit
It is one thing I have had to learn in marriage, I’ve had to learn to not just be ready to talk and just talk, but to surrender my mouth to the holy spirit. When I want to have a serious conversation you see me taking time to pray about it. I learnt that when you want to get across to someone, even if it is not your spouse, it could even be someone at work, we have to pray and speak in tongues for grace, for favor and that the holy spirit will take over.
Why don’t we do that for our spouses? Why do we think that we should just speak to them anyhow and they would take it? So, I began to learn how to pray. I would pray “Holy Spirit, as I’m about to speak to my darling husband, take control, take over my mouth, help me not to say the wrong things, help me not to say things that will upset him. Help me to say things that will convince him that this is the way to go”.
I hope these tips help you. For more tips on communication in your marriage, you can book a session here for a personalized coaching session.